Monday, September 19, 2011


Is it really that hard?

Apparently so. We aren't fighting as much right now. And we are pretty much just doing the things we like to do. Only problem is unless it's something we both like/want then I'm on my own. Either he's out drinking and I'm at home with all the kids. Or I am taking an early morning to myself and back by the time the kids are getting up. If it's anything else I do without him I have at least one child with me at all times.

The real problem I have right now is that I don't feel in love anymore. I long for some romance. The real stuff. Not the stuff money can buy. His idea of a romantic date is a restaurant and a movie. Mine is a walk together under the moon and stars. Talking, or not... Of course food would be a good start and movies are fun sometimes. But nothing beats walking in the moonlight with a guy who is not only talking to you, but listening as well.

I experienced that once! It was amazing. The only thing wrong with that picture was that he and I were teens and didn't live anywhere near each other. Our paths just happened to cross that one time. Or night as it may be. Or have been. Whatever. And the nicest thing about that night was that I got to experience it with someone who did not try to get anything out of it. He didn't even try to hold my hand much less kiss me. I actually cried when I was about to head back home. But in silence, so that no one could see.

I think that boy made it almost impossible for any other guy I met after that. Eventually I gave up looking for someone to just talk to.

So here's my "what if" thought for now. What if we both had lived in the same little hick town that we met in? (we were both visiting at the time, if I remember correctly)
Still not regretting my life thus far! Just wondering where I would be if... What my life would be like if...

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