Waiting

I try my best to ignore the negative responses my husband tells me. I just don't think about it anymore because I don't want to cry every day. He says he's done and wants to leave. Yet he's still here all the time and still calls and talks to me when he's at work. Then he comes home late one night and wakes me up. Mind you he's been out drinking, not just out working. So he comes home way later than he said he would and he wakes me up and wants to hold me. I told him to stop being an ass hole and let me sleep. He tells asks if I've found a job yet. I mean really?! He does it just to get a rise from me. But he doesn't get what he wants from it anymore like he used to. So he's trying more often and coming up with other ways of talking about a divorce. I can only take so much of him talking to me like that though. If he wants to then he just needs to do it and stop dragging shit on. But if he doesn't, he needs to stop being an ass and acting like this!

So I wait... wait, wait, wait until he does one thing or another. Or, until he drags me down to nothing. I'm lost. I want to sleep more often so I can dream of happier times. But that's not fair to my kids. So I get up and I take care of them and we do things and stay busy. Sometimes I think that staying busy is about the only thing that keeps me going these days.